Star Wars: The MMX Hunter Way
by Emerald Mami
Summary: Well, struck by a few ideas... Chapter two up with Episode one. (chap one was episodes four, five and six) Fear me. Better yet, review me.
1. Default Chapter

Hee hee hee. I'm going humor again.

Captive crowd: Yay.

Emerald: Thank you. Anyway, Capcom owns all X characters, I own Chaos, and my sister owns Havoc, and Lucas owns Starwars. Finally.

Captive crowd: Yay.

* * * * * * * 

(Chaos comes, pouncing into the room)

Chaos: Hiya, everyone!

Zero: (sighs) Hello, Chaos. What kind of drug are you on now?

Chaos: (Pouts) What drug? I have a new idea!

(Room empties, except for X, Zero, Iris, Cain, and Dynamo, along with Signas and Lifesaver).

Dynamo (Shakily): What idea, Chaos?

Chaos: Why, I just finished Star Wars...

Zero: I'm not playing Luke!

Chaos: And I thought that maybe, we could pull it off!

X: Yeah, right. What parts?

Chaos: Well, I asked Sigma...

Cain: And?

Chaos: He fell over laughing. Then he said fine, but he wanted to kill a few humans. 

X (shocked): Did you let him?

Chaos (surprised): Yes. They weren't of any importance. Just three really, really rich guys that tried to hit on me, and one bozo who was always drunk.

Cain: Who?

Chaos: Your brother, but then, I switched him for some other dude. (crosses fingers)

Zero: Fine, fine. What are we going to do, then, since everyone else is gone?

Chaos (waves hand, the Hunters no longer see the floor): Let's begin!

Star Wars: Hunter Style

Starring:

X as Luke Skywalker

Zero as Han Solo

Iris as Leia Organa

Cain as Ben Kenobi/Lando

Sigma as Darth Vader

Havoc as Emeror Palpitine

Dynamo as Cewabacca

Signas as R2-D2

Lifesaver as C-3P0

And Chaos as: The annoying chick who seems to pop up everywhere

* * * * * 

Scene one: The annoying Title screen

X: Chaos, this is not cool.

Chaos: Hush, X. I'm on.

(Chaos walks up in front of words. Words happily stop. World rejoices).

Chaos: Hello! You are know watching Star Megaman X!

X: Hide me.

Dynamo: Hide me! Look at this hideous outfit! I'm going to kill her!

(Chaos waves hand, a zipper is shut on Dynamo's mouth)

Chaos: Anyway, we know what's wrong... Happy Lukeman has to go and save the princess. So, we decided to skip a bit to the part where Luke, Ben, Han, and Wookie-man have to go and find Death Star. So, let's begin!

(Zero looks around at the Millennium Falcon)

Zero: Nice ship!

Cain: Isn't it supposed to be yours?

Zero: Oh, yeah!

Cain, X, and Dynamo: -_-;;

Dynamo: Yo, Captain Solo!

Signas: Chewie never talks.

Dynamo: *Grunt! Grunt! Growl!* (evil eyes) 

Zero: Thanks. What is it, Chewie?

(Looks up at Death Star)

Lifesaver: Oh, wow! Look at the size of that thing!

X: Where's Alderann?

Cain: I don't know. We have to hide. We can't escape the Tractor beam.

Dynamo: ME First! Me first!

Lifesaver: (to Signas, pouting) This is so gay. Why are we here again?

Signas: Because we wanted to?

Cain: Get in the interesting hatches, you two!

(All get inside)

Cain: Is there any beer on this trip? OWW! JEEZ, Dynamo!

(Inside ship)

Bizzard Buffalo: Sir! There is an unexpected Shipment arriving!

Sigma: Ah, yes. That would be my refugees from Alderann. May we kill them with joy.

BB: No, sir. This looks like a smuggler's ship. The Aldrann refugees are coming later.

Sigma: Oh, sorry. I want that ship searched. I think Ben Kenobi is on it.

BB: Why?

Sigma: BECAUSE I DO!! DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A PROBLEM???

(Mavericks work busily).

Sigma: GOOD! Send a search party. I need to find the Hunter base. 

(Sigma walks off. Blizzard Buffalo and Neon Tiger enter ship)

SFX: Boom! POW!!! 

(X and Zero walk out in the empty shells)

Zero: Come on, where are the storm troopers?

X: I don't know. Hey, Dynamo!

(Dynamo comes out, growling)

Dynamo: Yes?

Zero: Go outside and ask where the stormtroopers are. And growl!

Dynamo: -_-;; Yes, master...

(There's a big *poof* and happy Chaos appears)

Chaos: Do you really want the stormtroopers?

Lifesavor: If you want to be true to the story, yes.

Signas: They kinda _are_ a major part in the story.

Chaos: (Rolls eyes). Joy. Have it your way, then!

(Chaos disappears, leaving behind a huge swarm of Stormtroopers, surrounding our heroes)

Signas: CHAOS!

X: NO! I DON'T WANT THEM!!

Zero: To heck with this. (Grabs beamsaber, it's not there)

Signas: It would be with X, wouldn't it? you're the pilot.

Lifesavor: And now it's a lightsaber.

Cain: Oh joy. So we defeat the big bad base, right?

X: No, we have to rescue Iris from Sigma, and then we blow up the base.

Zero: This is the worst day of my life. -_-

Chaos: And so, our happy little heroes, outnumbered, make their way to Darth Vader.

(Walking like captives, upset)

X: This isn't in the script!

Zero: This is Chaos. When is the last time she used a script? She throws them out he window.

Stormtrooper: Hush, you! (Blasts them)

X: Oww.

(Finally meet Darth Vader)

Sigma: Ah, yes! My little captives!

Zero: (in a mocking tone) Ah, yes! The bigheaded egoist!

Sigma: You'll pay for that! I'll blow up Alderann!

Signas: Didn't you already do that?

Simga: .... oh yeah.... nevermind. Gaurds, take them to the prison! This is fun!

(Now they happily walk to the prison cells).

SFX: BOOOOOMMMM!

(Chaos appears, with five guns and shooting guns)

Chaos: Hi, guys!

Cain: Why are you here?

Chaos: I felt like helping, yes?

Signas: You're a loser.

Dynamo: I'll kill you!

Chaos (holds thermal detinator): Why don't we all calm down? The moive is almost over. But, Iris is still captive. Zero, go free her.

Zero: Fine. But I'm going to kill you anyway.

Chaos: I'm immortal! Cain!

Cain: Yes, Chaos?

Chaos: Go to the tractor beam, turn it off. Use the Goddamned force if you have to.

Cain: Right away!

Iris (now rescued): Is he going to die? (shakes head)

Chaos: Yup.

Narrorator (who took over Chaos's job): Now, our happy little troops go back to the rebel base, in attempts to destroy the Empire!

Mon Motha (The 30-40 year-old-woman in white): We have discovered the weakness in the base. Go now.

X: That's really direct.

Signas: Get used to it. Let's get in the *&%$ing ship. (Walks to ship)

X: Fine, fine. Where's Zero?

Lifesavor: He's kissing Iris. Don't ask.

Signas: Wasn't Iris dead?

Chaos: I fixed her up.

Signas: What about her brother?

(Everyone stares at Signas)

Chaos: Nevermind. Just go. Be free.

(Zero walks in)

Zero: Hi, gang! What do I miss?

Chaos: Well, you missed Mon's happy speech. Go kick butt, my friend.

Lifesavor: Why am I the winny droid, again?

Chaos: 'Cause you are. Be thankful that you get to skip a scene. 

Iris: (Waves to Zero) Bye, Zero! Bye!

Chaos (waves): If you die, YOU'LL MESS UP THE MOVIE! DON'T DIE!!!!

X (cringes): Thank God I don't have to put up with her anymore.

Zero (over microphone): What do you mean? She follows us anywhere.

X: I can't shake him! He's on my tail!

Sigma: I got you now!

(Zero fires)

(Sigma is thrown into deep space)

Sigma: Blast! Now I can't do anything! The force was stong in that one, too!

X: Thanks, Zero.

Zero: Just doing my job. Now, you haveta fire and then the deathstar will explode!

X: Where?

Zero: I don't know. Just fire!

(X fires at a TIE fighter. Death Star explodes)

X: Yes!

Zero: Go X!

Signas: Lucky shot.

(Go home, have a beer, throw a party, wonder why Movie-land isn't over.)

Zero: Chaos, why aren't we home?

Chaos: There are three happy parts to the movie. 

Zero: Aren't there four?

X: And there are going to be nine?

Chaos: Do you want to make it longer? Be my guest. Say the word.

X, Zero: *silence*

Chaos: Good. Now, we go onto Movie Two.

Lucas: No! Not my beatiful Moive! I won't let you ruin it!

Chaos: (snickers) Too late.

Movie two: The Empire-dudes stiketh Backeth.

(The happy credits roll in. Then they stop. There is much rejoicing.)

(Our happy heroes are in the frozen wasteland of hoth. X and Zero are riding those weird creatures).

X: This is fun! Let's take some home, Zero!

Zero: X, we have to play out the enitre movie.

X: So then the next scene will be in cloud city? Who plays Lando?

Iris: I think it's Cain again.

Zero: Leia wasn't supposed to be on this trip.

X: No kidding. Let's get back.

(Go back home, but in the middle, they encounter a Wampa Ice creature)

(Creature attacks X)

X: AHHHHHH!!!

Iris: X, Shoot it! Or-

(Zero cuts it in half with the beamsaber he claimed from X)

Iris: -Have Zero do something about it. Can't you use the force?

X (closes eyes): Sure. I see...I see... A city in the clouds.

Iris: No, seriously.

X: I am serious.

Zero: Of coure *cough* you are *cough* buddy!

X: No, I really am serious!

Zero: What does it mean?

X: I don't know. I suppose I have to find Yoda for that.

Zero: Who plays Yoda?

Iris: I don't think that part was covered.

(X goes with Signas to fly to Yoda's place, while Iris and Zero are left to defend the base from the Empire).

Zero: We're under attack!

Some general: No, duh! I thought the Empire was bringing us flowers!

Another General: He's not?

Zero: AHHHHHHH!!! (Hits the "Another General" and kills him)

Zero: OKAY! GET TO YOUR FREAKN' SHIPS NOW!! AND IDJOTS THAT WOULD LIKE TO STAY, DO SO PLEASE AT THIS TIME, SO THOSE THAT ARE SMART WILL GO AWAY! (Runs with Iris to the Falcon, it takes off)

Idjots who stayed to fight: YAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!

(Focus to Falcon)

Dynamo: Okay, I thought this thing couldn't fly, and I was right. It can't.

Zero: Whad'ya mean?

Lifesaver: Uh, hello? This heap of junk doesn't have lightspeed until the very end.

Iris: Isn't X's hand going to get cut off, too?

Zero (face paling): I hope not.

Iris: But then it wouldn't be true to the story.

Lifesaver: Yes, yes, that's dandy. Something _else _to fix.

Iris: Stop griping. You're a loser.

Lifesaver: _You're _ the loser.

Chaos (who magically appears): Stop fighting, children! Zero, go to the city in the clouds. You have five minutes.

Zero: Waitaminute! The hyperdirve moter isn't working!

Chaos: Right. Put it as fast as it will go, stupid.

Everyone: AHHHHHH!!!!!

AH, yes, stupid people. Again. Hello. Listen to me type. Type, type, type....

(X crash-lands on Yoda's planet).

Signas: Great driving, X!

X: Thanks. I think Luke-

Signas: (interupting) Didn't have his ship burn up in entry to the planet's atmosphere. You did.

X: Shut up. What's left?

(Signas holds up a ball of tin)

Signas: That. My lunchbox.

X: (winces) Opps.

Chaos (Who was sitting in a tree the entire time): Hello, my children!

Signas: We aren't your children.

Chaos: I knows that. Duh. Look, I want you to be as happy as possible, so I want to tell you- there is no Yoda. X! (Tosses X something)

(X catches it)

Chaos: It's a lightsaber. Zero took his from you again. Now, you go join your happy people-dudes in Cloud City. Cain is drunk and waiting for you.

X: How are we supposed to get back, o foolish wanderer of worlds?

Chaos: Watch it. Luke can _die _in this story. Use the force. DUH! WHAT IS THE MOIVE ABOUT?!?!?! IT TEACHES LITTLE CHILDREN TO USE THE FORCE! 

(Half the planet is barren wasteland from Chaos's yelling. The ship is put back together also).

X: Thanks!

Signas: O.O I want home. Now.

(X and Signas sneak into Cloud City)

(Sigma is having problems with "Han" getting frozen in Carbonite).

Zero: NOOOO!!!! I AIN'T GOIN'!!!!  
Sigma: Yes, you will, fool. (Grabbs Iris)

Iris: Ahh! 

Sigma: Or she's dead.

Iris: Unhand me, you creep! (Unleashes energy, Sigma is knocked backward)

Zero: Sweet.

Iris: I got my hands on X's G-crusher. It was fun.

Lifesaver: Yes, yes, I love this little lovefest, but may I suggest that we go _home_ now?

Dynamo: Before Siggy-man starts attacking?

Iris: Of course. But we can't go without X, carpet-man.

Dynamo: Watch it, woman.

Chaos (who magically appears): What is so wrong with being a woman?

Dynamo: Uhh... Grunt! Growl!

Chaos: I speak Wookie-ese. That wasn't very nice.

Dynamo: Live with it. (looks around) Where did everyone- hey, wait for me! (Runs to catch up with groups, several meters (yards) ahead).

(Chaos fades away).

(X and Signas make their way into the "Happy-Carbonite-Freezing-Room" according to the sign Chaos made).

X: We go in there.

Signas: _You_ go in there. I stay here, away from lightsaber dueling and happy Carbon Freezing.

X: Please?

Signas: (Rolls eyes) fine.

Cain: HELLO, X! (wobbles around from being druken)

X: _;; Cain, what were you doing?

Cain: *hiccups* Sigma gave me a few drinks.

Chaos: 18 Liters!

Cain: No, actually it was 27!

X: Where's Chaos?

Cain: Around. I don't know. She fades, that's no lie. Anyway, Sigma is...

Sigma: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!

(X rushes in to find Signas has wandered into the Carbon Freezing Chamber, and got Frozen in Carbotite. What happy fun).

X: No!

Sigma: YES!!! I got a trophy that doesn't exclude the the body!

Signas (very, very muffled): NOOOOO!

X: You'll pay for this, Sigma!

(Trade lightsaber hits, go out to the waste platform)

Sigma: Luke, there was something I always wanted to tell you...

(Another round of traded hits and stops in middle)

Sigma: I am your father!!!

X: (looks at Sigma) I thought Dr. Light was my father.

Sigma: (Stops duel) He was.

X: Then how could you be my father?

Sigma: uhh.... I helped him build you?

X: Then wouldn't you be my stepfather?

Sigma: Yes, X! I am your Stepfather!

X: NOOOO!!!! (Falls off the platform, onto the millenium flacon underneath).

Zero (who happened to be on top): Great timing!

X (Darkly): Sigma has Signas.

Zero: Oh. Do you have all your body parts?

X (Suspicious): Yes.

Zero (to Lifesaver): HE's okay! Put your tools away!

Lifesaver: Why bother bringing them out? You suck! I'm going on strike!

Iris: Shut up, you winning fool. Movie's over.

Dynamo: Where's Signas?

X (after being hauled in): He's frozen in Carbonite.

Zero: Any idea where?

X: No.

Moive Three: Return of the Jedi (who should not walk out in public from the shame this story has brought to them). (We see Lucas crying over his beautiful movie. We see ourselves laughing at him).

Choas: We've figured out that Sigma has Signas in the Deathstar. So, we decieded to go blow it up. But there's a force feild. So, our heroes naturally volunteer for the job!

X: Acutally, _you_ volounteered us.

Zero: And when we get to the base I'm going to start a petition for premission to kill you.

Dynamo: And I'm signing.

Chaos (nervous smile): Uh, yeah. Well, let's foucus in on the DeathStar.

(Foucus in on the Deathstar)

Sigma (to commanding Maverick): I hope everything is ready. The emporer is coming.

Commanding Maverick: Yes, Mylord. It is reading.

Sigma: I hope so. ....He is not as.... kind.... as I am.

(Shuttle comes in. Door opens with hissing steam. Two Gaurds In Red (the GIR) appear, bowing before the emporer).

(The Emperor walks down the steps in a cloak, and we know from the title screen (which we probably fastforwarded through), it is Havoc, Chaos's younger sister, just as annoying).

Havoc (throws off cape): Honey, I'm home!!!!

(every Maverick bows before her).

Stormtrooper: Hey, babe.

(Havoc blasts off stormtrooper's head)

Havoc: How are the plans coming?

Sigma: Well.

Havoc: So are we going to convert X? Or kill him?

Sigma: How about if he doesn't convert, we kill him.

Havoc: Good plans. He's on the forest moon of Endor.

Sigma: How do you know?

Havoc: Because he's not going to be floating around in space!!! GIA!!! SIEZE HIM!!!

Sigma: Wait! You can't sieze me!

Havoc: You're right. But I know the perfect form for you until you're needed: A mouse.

Sigma: A mouse?

(Havoc waves hand and Sigma is a mouse).

Sigma: (in a tiny mouse voice): No! Why a mouse?!?

And so, the heroes are split in half. X and Lifesaver go to the Deathstar, and Cain stays, and the rest go to ENDOR!!! 

Captive crowd: Yay.

Liven up people!

Captive crowd: Yay.

I curse youto Heckland, Kentucky!

Captive Crowd: YESSS!!!! AWAY!!! (rejoice)

I take it back.

Dynamo: Can I go home? Home is nice.

Zero: Not until we finish the movie.

Iris: I'm with Dynamo. Screw the movie. Let's go help X and blow up the Deathstar by ourselves.

Haovc (Magically appearing): HA! YOU FOOLS! YOU WILL NEVER DEAFEAT THE POWER OF THE DARK SIDE!!

Dynamo: Could you keep it (looks inside lounge) 0.0 - down?

Havoc: Fine, be that way. (dissapears).

Zero: I'm bored. Where's X?

Iris: He's in the Deathstar. I think he's being held captive.

Zero: I wanna destroy something!!! I want some action!

Dynamo: (shuts his mouth, but barely containing laughter)

Zero: What's so funny?

Dynamo: Look, just shoot the Deathstar.

Zero: I wanna know what's so goddamned funny!

(Chaos slowly removes Iris from the room, so she will not hear anything that happens next.)

Dynamo: Well, you said "I want some action", and that just struck me the wrong way, okay?

Zero: What way?

Dynamo: The sick, preverted way.

Zero: O.O WHAT?!?

Dynamo: Told you. Then I wondered why Iris was brought back to life...

Zero: Keep your mouth shut. (pouts)

Dynamo: Keep yours shut and we won't have communication problems.

(Iris is let back in)

Iris: What happened?

Dynamo: A few misconseptions. Nothing big.

Iris: Oh. Chaos had to tell me a few things about sick, preverted people looking for imortality. 

Dynamo: (blushes) Who could that be?

Iris: She said something about a guy in black... But that was it. Man, he was really, really, disgusting.

Zero: ....

X: NO!! LET ME GO!!! I DON'T WANNA BATTLE NO EMPORER!!!!

GIR: No can do, dude. She wants to... play or something. I can't remember.

GIR #2: Yeah, the only thing I can remember, dude, is the surfing part of Starwars.

X: (slowly) There was no surfing part. 

(X is thrown into a big, dark empty space with a light focused on the back of a chair. The GIR dissapear. X gulps).

X: Hello?

(Deep Bass Voice (not the character)): Hello, X. It's been a while.

X: All the people I knew had really, really sucky voices. 

DBV: Oh. Do you have any questions before you die?

X: Yeah. Two.

DBV: Say them.

X: Why was Lifesavor allowed to leave with Signas?

DBV: Because I don't care abotu two whinny driods. Anything else?

X: Who are you?

(Chair spins around, and we see a brown-haired girl in a flowery dress and flowers, as non-meancing as you can be. She carries a rabbit in one hand).

Havoc: ME!!! Now, let's play tea! (Tea table appears. X now has a floppy hat and Sigma wears an apron. Havoc hugs the bunny, and bunny begs X for mercy).

Havoc: Your friends will never destroy the base, X.

X: Says you.

Havoc: No, says the film. They don't destroy the base. 

Sigma: Then who does?

Havoc: If I remember correctly, it was the emporer...(Voice fades)...getting thrown... into a deep... ...shit (gulps).

Sigma: (grins) X, care to do the honors?

X: After you, Sigma.

(Sigma throws Havoc of of the balcony. She doesn't fall).

Havoc: Oh, yeah! I can fly! And I get to kill X!

X: That's not cool.

(Deathstar begins to explode).

Sigma: Amazing! The mere action of me throwing her made the Deathstar collapse!

X: (Sarcastically) Amazing. Also, you go down with it.

Sigma: Why?

X: 'Cause I'm teleporting off. Bye! (teleports off).

(Back on Falcon, with everybody but the enemy and Chaos)

X: We're done, right?

Zero: Fat chance. (takes a swig of beer).

Iris: I thought you didn't drink beer.

Dynamo: He didn't. I told him it would help his mood. 

X: No! Zero! You can't be acoholic! 

Zero: Watch me.

(Iris takes bottle away)

Iris: No, no, Zero.

(Zero grabs it back)

Zero: Give it to me.

(The two fight. Finally, Zero trips over Iris and they fall and accidently kiss).

(Everyone turns around).

Chaos: I got that on tape. America's funniest home videos, here I come! Thanks everyone!

Dynamo: The movie's over?

(Everyone ends up in Hunter lounge. Zero and Iris are still kissing).

Chaos: Yup.

Dynamo: Thank God. So, you know what that means, everyone?

Lifesavor: We get to kill her?

Signas: YESS!!!! THANK THE MAKER!!!!

Chaos: (uneasily) Thanks, guys, but... (runs off)

So ends our story. One question we are left with:

What kind of pie do you like?

Zero: What sort of question is that? That's &*%$ing gay! I couldn't care less about pie!

Iris: I like cherry.

Dynamo: (more preverted thoughts)... Can't answer. Chocolate?

Signas: .... That's a stupid question.

Lifesavor: I refuse to answer such a meaningless question.

X: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. (Asleep)

Cain: I like acloholic pie.

Chaos: You would, wouldn't you? 

Answer the question, Chaos. 

Chaos: I like... ice cream pie.

Havoc: I like tea.

Sigma: I refuse to answer a human-like question.

Go suck on a prune. Okay then! You're free to go!

Captive audience: (Runs away and never comes back). YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!


	2. Episode One: the phantom mean-ace

(fade in)

(audience is strapped to their seats w/ ducktape, forced to watch)

(see George Lucas crying)

(fade out, audience still strapped in seats)

(fade in again)

(MHB base)

(Dynamo captured, after X6)

Dynamo: Unhand me!

(Chaos appears. Everyone runs away except for Dynamo, X, Signas, Lifesavor, and… Dr. Cain)

Chaos: Hiya, everyone, I'm back! What'd I miss?

Alia: (just walked in) Chaos! Why is it you ALWAYS dissapear BEFORE a major war???

Chaos: Why is it, woman, any of your concern?

Alia: You don't help out at all! (glares eyes)

X: (to Signas) uh-oh. I'm not going to like this.

Chaos: (waves hand, all the group, and Doulgas, who was at the wrong place at the wrong time, are floating above a "Stary expanse") THIS WILL TEACH YOU!!!!

Alia: (pales) X, what's going on? Is she going to attack us or something?

Zero: (who Chaos could not help but put in) Oh. Shit.

X: Chaos! She didn't mean it!! I swear!!

Alia: … help.

(Chaos has the evilest looking grin on her face).

(Chaos begins to play a trumpet. Everyone but Alia and Douglas (who don't have a clue) run as far away as they can get).

(Star Wars theme begins).

Star Wars: Episode 1: The phatom mean-ace.

Starring: 

Alia as: Queen Amidala

Iris as: ……… … … Anikin's mom (I had to put her in somewhere)!

Signas as: R2-D2

Lifesavor as: C-3PO

Douglas as: Quin Gon Ginn

X as: Anikin

Zero as: Obi-won Kenobi 

Dynamo as: Jar-jar Binks

Dynamo: CHAOS!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!

Chaos: hee. ;)

Dr. Cain as: Yoda, in a sort of… drunken… manner.

Havoc as: Darth Sidious (sentor paplatine)

Sigma (yes, no duh) as: Darth Maul

Chaos as: The annoying chick who pops up everywhere

(all other characters will be playing as themselves. If not, it means they died rather than appear in this. Smart choice. If you see skeletons that you cannot identify to any animal, don't worry. That's them, trying to get revenge).

(Scene one)

Douglas: Ohh. This is what she does?

Zero: Pretty much, yeah. What did you expect? Blowing up stuff? This is much more… (can't think of word)

Douglas: evil?

Zero: Yah! That's it!

Skeleton pilot: Excuse me, sirs. We are landing.

Douglas: Out of curiousty, why am I older than you?

Zero: I suppose it has something to do with the female characters.

Douglas: (shrugs) come on. Let's go. Don't reveal we are Jedi yet.

Zero: Why not?

Doulgas: That would be bad.

(The walking skeleton to one of those green-frog things (trade federation guys): Welcome to our happy blockade!!!! Cookies?

Douglas: O.O;; That's not what I expected.

Zero: (sighs) Stop the blockade.

(The walking skeleton to one of those green-frog things (trade federation guys): 

After some cookies? Please??

Douglas: (trys a cookie) ahhh!! (spits it out)

(The walking skeleton to one of those green-frog things (trade federation guys): (now mad): AHH!! DIE!! YOU DO NOT LIKE OUR COOKIES!!!

Douglas: No! No! I thought they were so good, the ground needed to try them too!

TWSTOOTG-FT: Oh. Sorry!

Zero: Watiamintue. We're up in space. There is no ground.

TWSTOOTG-FT: WHAT??!?! DIE!!

(Douglas and Zero run through the halls)

Douglas: You had to open your big mouth.

Zero: It can't be helped.

(Scene two)

(in the jungle-place)

Zero: AHH!! Damnit! Why am I stuck with the freakn' driod thing?

Douglas: (Waves a hand, Droid is destroyed) *yawn*

Zero: How'd you do that?

Douglas: This is Starwars. Didn't you people ever use the force?

Zero: :D;; Opps.

(Dynamo rushes through the forest to find them.)

Dynamo: There you are! Thank God! (Pulls off fake Juancan ears)

Zero: Why'd you do that?

Dynamo: Chaos said that since it's not my fault, for once, I don't have to wear the ears.

Zero: (pulls off cloak)

(Chaos appears for a brief moment and hits Zero on the head. Zero is obviously hurt. Puts on Cloak. Chaos disappears).

Zero: Let's go find the Queen and stuff.

Douglas: The sooner this movie ends, the better.

(audience still in duck tape): (nodds heads)

(Dynamo leads way) 

(Scene three)

(In castle)

Zero: AMIDALA!!! AMIDALA!!!

Douglas: Shut up! They'll hear you!

Dynamo: Well, he does have a point, Douglas. The louder we are, the more likely Alia will hear us!

(hear Alia's voice)

Dynamo: Thataway!

Alia: hiya, guys!

Zero: Come on, Alia, we have to run away again.

Alia: What? I never ran away with you. Shut up.

Zero: No, we did. Dynamo, Douglas, and me. Besides, we're going to try and finish the movie as soon as possible.

(suddenly surrounded by the droid army).

Alia: Scratch that. 

(Douglas concentrates and suddenly, every droid explodes).

Dynamo: O.o

Zero: o.O

Chaos: O.O;; 

Chaos: (thoughts) Well, HE certainly understands what's going on here.

Alia: WOW!!! THAT WAS SOOO COOL!

(Douglas is thrown out the window from Alia's yelling).

(Zero rushes to the window)

Zero: Douglas! Are you okay?

Douglas: Keep that… thing… away from me!!!!

(scene three: On Tatootine)

Alia: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

(Everything is blown to the other side of the planet)

Zero: Good going, Alia.

Alia: It can't be helped.

Dynamo: Yes, it can. Now, let's go find the town thingie and go home. 

(walk into town that Chaos Magically restored)

Old peddler woman: Buy some soda! Buy some soda!

Dynamo: (thoughts)Something can't quite be right with that old woman. (non-thoughts) I think I'll watch her until I can figure it out.

Zero: Be my guest. (leave Dynamo)

Old peddler woman: Buy some soda! Buy some soda!!

(Zero, Alia, and Douglas arrive in Watoo's shop).

Skeleton of Watoo: Welcome! You wish to buy?

Zero: Yeah. Parts for our ship.

Alia: Is there a podrace?

Skeleton of Watoo: There is no podrace. There are only re-runs.

Douglas: Re-runs?

Skeleton of Watoo: Of course. Too dangerous. We got sued. Real Bad. Damn lawyers. 

(Dynamo comes in, sipping a soda)

Skeleton of Watoo: SODA!! SODA!! I'll TRADE EVERYTHING I OWN FOR A SODA!! MY TWO DROIDS!! MY SLAVES!! ALL FOR A SODA!!

Dynamo: (sips innocently) Okay.

(Skeleton of Watoo grabs soda and hands Dynamo the keys to the back room. Dynamo opens the closet to find Iris, X, Signas, and Lifesavor).

Lifesavor: I don't deserve this.

Signas: Neither do I.

Zero: Iris!

Iris: Zero! You jerk!

(both hug happily)

Old Peddler woman: Soda! Buy your soda!

Iris: This is Tattoine. There is barely _water_, let alone soda.

Dynamo: (snaps fingers) That's what's wrong.

Old peddler woman: (shoves soda in Dynamos face) Soda! Buy some soda!! Buy soda from me!

Dynamo: Get that thing outta my face.

Old Peddler woman: Jar-jar, jar-jar! Soda!! (dances)

Dynamo: WHAT THE???

(the old peddler woman dances to the song, "we will, we will rock you", except uses "jar-jar" instead of "we will". Soda and Disco lights fill up the junkyard. Everyone dances but Dynamo).

Havoc: What the F*** is that?

Sigma: The jedi again.

Havoc: Go kill them and put them out of our misery.

Sigma: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.

Havoc: We did that last week. 

Sigma: Shit.

(Fade in)

(Disco. Lights. Dancing. The happiest place on Tatooine. Until…)

Sigma: Honey, I'm home!! (grins evily at our heroes (yes, you can laugh now))

Sigma's wife: Finally! I scrub the house, work day and night, and all I get is your lazy arse sitting around all f***ing day! You're coming with me, mister!

Everyone looks around.

X: Sigma, I didn't know you had a wife.

Sigma: I didn't know either.

Sigma's wife: Don't feed me up with that! 

Sigma: Help. Please! NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

X: (to Zero) When was there an old peddler woman?

Zero: No clue.

Douglas: Wait a second…

(pulls of woman's cloak)

Douglas: you're CHAOS!!!

Chaos: Damn. Well, gotta run…

Alia: No you don't! You're putting us back in MHB!!

Dynamo: And me somewhere, like 50,000 miles away from it!!

Zero: And me in my capsule!

Chaos: look, you have to re-claim the Throne of Naboo, but first you must greet the senetor. Then, Alia and I will talk about what I do for the "war effort". (disappears)

X: Alia, did you know Chaos is immortal and travels dimensions and has the powers of a GOD??!?!?!?!!?

Alia: She does?

Zero: Yes.

Alia: Oops. (hits head)

Zero: Stupid.

(Fade in)

(Editor's note: Do to all the fading in, we used up our electricity bill. These next scenes are all done in sunlight).

Havoc: (as senetor) Welcome! Zero, X, Douglas, you get to take X to get some Goddamned 'Jedi' training. Alia, Lifesavor, Signas, Iris, with me.

Alia: You're with the enemy! You're a Maverick!

X: (to Alia) When Chaos does this, we all team up to get out. 

Havoc: It's kinda cool here, though.

X: (rolls eyes)

Dynamo: What about me? 

Havoc: Go kill someone.

Dynamo: Yes! Something I can enjoy!

Chaos: Excuse me. I don't think 'Happiness' was included in this vacation. You're coming shopping with me. We're buying you dresses!

Dynamo: NOOOO!!! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME, DEMENTED FREAK!!!!

(Chaos fumes and snapps fingers. Dynamo is now a _pregnant_ Gungcan). 

X, Zero, Alia, Douglas, everyone else: O.o (thoughts) Never, ever piss off Chaos.

Chaos: I can read your thoughts....

Alia: Go buy clothes.

Haovc: Alrighty, then, Jedi knight-folk! Go meet Yoda! The rest of us will be waiting by the ship.

Dynamo: NOOO!!! NO!!! Don't leave me!!1 Goddamnit! NO!!!!

Chaos: Demented freak suggests we look into the Maternity section of town. Bye!

Alia: Run Dynamo! Run far away, and never return! 

(fade in) ( I lied)

(Douglas, Anikin, and Zero appear before the skeletons of the Jedi council)

Yoda skeleton: The boy is strong, but to old.

Zero: What the heck do you mean he's to old?!?! He must be trained before the senteor gets him and all that crap!

Yodaskeleton: I don't care. 

Douglas: the boy will be trained. 

Yoda: whatever. Go. There is great evil on Naboo.

(Group is on Naboo)

Douglas: RUN!! RUNN!!! FREE THET BIRDS!!!

Poliets: YEAH!!! THE BIRDS!!! (Run into their ships and take off)

X: Gotta go. Lifesaver….

(Lifesaver hopps into the back of the fighter)

Zero: Bye, X!!! Have fun killing!

X: -_-;; Why do you do that to me? Do you think I ENJOY it?

Zero: Of course! That's why we're gonna fight in 103 years!

(groups turns to Zero, Zero covers mouth) (X leaves, not hearing the warning)

Dynamo: (scolding) Now, don't go spoiling the plotline!

Alia: Hey, look! There's Sigma!

Sigma: …  
Zero: Yes! He's speechless!

Douglas: Or maybe it's because he only has about two lines in the entire movie.

Zero: Yeah! That too!

Alia: The rest of us will run, except Signas.

Signas: Why not me?

Alia: Because you ticked me off. 

Signas: When?

Alia: now. 

Signas: (rolls eyes)

Dynamo: Can I stay here? 

Alia: Why?

Dynamo: (sheepishly) Umm… Chaos made me nine months pregnant. 

Zero: TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!! ALIA!! GO KICK BUTT ALREADY!!

(Douglas and Zero run to attack Sigma)

(Sigma runs, very, very fast)

(Zero is trapped within the shields while Doulgas and Sigma fight).

(Douglas uses the force and Sigma falls down the deep pit)

(the movie ends)

baby's wail: WAHHH!!! WAHHH!!

Chaos: Aw… how cute. Dynamo, you're a guy again.

Dynamo: Thank you. 

X: o.O 

Dynamo: Can I have my clothes back now?

Chaos: sure, but you get the baby.

(Dynamo takes baby and runs far, far away)

(So ends our story….)

(go home and rejoice)

(bye now)

(I'm serious)

(Leave me alone)

(go home now…)

(go home….)


	3. Episode two: Attack of the cones! Run! r...

I am an evil, insane being. But I have a lot of fun!! WHOOO!!! But there's someone I'd like to thank…

First, I'd like to than Capcom because they own the rights to the X-series, 

Second, George Lucas for the Star Wars movie that I'm making fun of,

And my sister, for letting me use Havoc.

And I would like to thank you, who are painfully reading my stories… and a big hug to TFRiD Queen , lugiamania Dr_Abel, and The Red Maverick. Thank you so much for reviewing!!!!

(Fade in)

(See MHB on a freezing, cold December night)

(See the cow pass by…)  
(Fade out)

(Fade in)

(Inside the lounge)

Alia: It's kind of quiet, you know? Chaos hasn't done anything this week.

Zero: (please don't ask) Well, I've studied her habits, and this isn't maybe the best time to pester her…

Lifesaver: (Nods)

X: What do you mean by that?

Zero: Three letters… PMS…

(Knock on the door)

(Signas gets up to answer it)

(Chaos happily bounces in)

Chaos: For that comment, Zero, I'm gonna do the thing you hate the most…

(Zero pales)

Zero: The land of no females whatsoever?

Chaos: Nope.

(X, Alia, Douglas, Lifesaver, and Signas edge towards the door)

Chaos: Sit down. I would like to have a talk about the new movie.

(Everyone sits)

(Zero pales)

Signas: we can't do it again?

Chaos: Oh no. It was a big hit back home. Let's see… everyone needs to keep his or her same roles, except….

X: (thoughts) me. Me. Me. Me. Me.

Chaos: I can read your thoughts, X…

X: Sorry.

Chaos: No, I think I'll let Dynamo have a tiny break. Since there's a mercenary in the movie, I'll let him be both Jango Fett and Jar-jar binks. And his son.

Douglas: dynamo has a son???? YOU ARE A CRUEL BEING!!!!

Chaos: Shut it, Douglas… Or you'll be next.

Douglas: Sorry. 

Chaos: Great! Now, let's see… Yeah, X and Alia both have to do the love scenes, and had better not screw up the kissing… Oh, Douglas?

Douglas: (winces) Yes?

Chaos: For whatever reason, Qui-Gon ain't dead. We didn't kill him. So, we're writing him in.

Douglas: Sweet!

Signas: I am R2, right? Small part! Yay!

Chaos: This can, of course, be fixed… where's Lifesaver? He gets a small part as well… damn. Where's Iris?

X: Why are you rounding us up, Chaos?

Chaos: … because I want you to suffer for as long as possible within a time limit.

X: What is the time limit?

Chaos: I have no idea. Let's begin!

Star Wars: Episode two: Attack of the cones!!! RUN!!! ROAD WORK!!!

Staring: 

Alia as: Queen Amidala

Iris as: Anikin's mom 

Signas as: R2-D2

Lifesavor as: C-3PO

Douglas as: Quin Gon Ginn

X as: Anikin 

(X: This is gonna suck…)

Zero as: Obi-won Kenobi 

Dynamo as: Jar-jar Binks _and _Janga Fett

Dynamo's son, Chibby-Dyanmo: Bobba Fett

Dr. Cain as: Yoda, in a sort of… drunken… manner.

Havoc as: Darth Sidious (chancellor paplatine)

Sigma: … think. Very hard. Dooku.

Chaos as: The annoying chick who pops up everywhere (what else?)

Side note: The characters are now in flesh-form! That's right! Flesh!! WHOOOO!!!! I really _AM_ a cruel, heartless being!!!

Attack of the cones (run! Road Work!)

The whatever has been whatevering and all that happy crap. 

As my sister pointed out, all the second paragraphs in the movies end in galaxy.

May our beloved Jedi-wannabes succeed in whatever mission they are on. Bye!

(Fade in)

(Big ship landing) 

(Naboo fighters land)

(Pilots leave their ships, watch the fake-queen leave ship)

(Ship blows up)

Defense commander dude: Told you so.

Alia: Shut up. (Walks over to the fake queen) Abbi, are you okay?

Abbi: Do I look okay? (Promptly dies)

Alia: Abbi! NOOO!!! DON'T LEAVE ME!!!

DCD: Come on, it's not safe here.

Alia: It's not safe anywhere!!

DCD: Especially here, then.

Alia: okay… (Sniffs)

(Fade out)

(Fade in)

(Palpitine/Havoc's main room)

Havoc: This is very upsetting, Senator Amidala. Perhaps we should give you protection.

Alia: God, no! I can take care of myself!!! 

Cain: Yeah! If some Sith lord (hiccup) wants to rape her, she'll (hiccup) yell in his ear!!! Trust me. (Hiccup) I tried.

(Havoc stares at Cain in utter unbelief.)

Havoc: You're kidding.

Alia:….

Havoc: How about Anikin and obi-wan, and Qui-gon?

Douglas: I'm in here, and… okay. Fine. These people can't even use the force, it's quite sad.

Alia: True enough.

Havoc: good! It's settled! Anikin and Amidala share a room-

Alia/Douglas/(X who just walked in): WHAT?!?!?!?!?

Chaos: (magically appearing) Havoc, you have no limits of cruelty, you know that?

Havoc: I would give them separate beds! You make them kiss!

Chaos: … good point… I think…

X: I'm only supposed to be PROTECTING Alia!

Alia: I don't need protection.

Zero: You do now. 

Alia: Do not.

Zero: Do too.

Alia: Do not.

Zero: Do too.

Alia: Do-

Chaos: (interrupting) thank you for the squabble, children, but Chaos here wants to get back to the filming. George's lifeline could go at any moment.

Douglas: lifeline?

Havoc: Of course! We're all underwater!!

X: (slaps forehead) Why am I not surprised?

Zero: (waving his hand questioningly) why isn't Cain dead then?

Chaos: Actually, it's a notice thing. A human's mind will realize that they are in water and then they go see St. Peter. But Cain's too drunk to realize it.

Havoc: Yup. Now you guys know, so let's get rid of the flood, shall we?

Chaos: Okay. (disappears, the water is gone)

Cain: (snores)

Havoc: Qui-Gon, I am assured that this Sith Lord shall be found? And that Amidala shall be protected?

Zero: Wait! You're the Sith!

(All the Jedi who play as themselves stare at Havoc)

Havoc: You're delirious. I only want what's best for the Republic.

Jedi #1: No! I sense the dark side in you!

(Havoc flings Jedi #1 out the window)

Havoc: (sweetly) No one saw that, right? Good.

(Fade out)

(Fade in)

(Zero and X are entering the apartment, but are on an elevator)

Zero: You seem nervous, my young Pada-

X: Don't start that crap again, okay? I am NOT your Padawan learner. I am the greatest Jedi that ever lived!

Zero: (snorts)

X: I'm serious!

Zero: (Laughs)

(Elevator door opens)

Zero: Now, remember- you can't kill Alia no matter how hard you try.

X: But… I'd be saved.

Zero: No… you'd be screwed. 

(enter room)

Dynamo: Ani! Oh, yes! I can leave now! 

(Dynamo exits)

X: friendly, wasn't he?

Zero: You know how he is.

(Alia walks up)

Alia: I swear on my mother's grave that I don't need protection.

Signas: Right. Says the woman without a mother.

(Alia throws a vase at Signas. Signas dodges.)

Alia: This is crazy. I don't want to spend a night knowing worms are going to crawl all over my skin. Ewww.

Signas: oh, right, but I've got the worst job…

Zero: What's that?

Signas: I have to watch over Alia when she sleeps…. (groans)

Zero: Whoo!! Go Signas!!!!

(Fade in)

(Fade out)

(fade in)

(Fade out)

Chaos: LUCAS!!! FIX THE LIGHTING, PLEASE!!!

Lucas: Look, Chaos, woman, let's talk. I want to be free. 

Chaos: You dissed my movie-making skills. I want revenge.

Lucas: Revenge is the path of the dark side. Revenge leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate-

Chaos: (dangerously) Leads to your suffering.

Lucas: My apologizes. (fixes light)

(fade in)

(Alia is moving about the room. Suddenly, a bounty hunter magically appears and points. Zero takes it down with his lightsaber. X points and Dynamo waves. End of scene. Fade out).

(fade in)

Zero: Okay, everyone! In order to get out of this warped movie as soon as possible, let's happily send X and Alia far away on the planet of Tatooine! I'm gonna go talk to Dynamo, and then I'm gonna go get captured by Sigma! Everyone got the game plan?

Everyone: Yes.

Havoc: There's a kissing scene on Naboo, people. Plus Anikin finds his mother abducted by sand people. Do we want to make Chaos mad?

Lucas: (from nowhere) Yes!! Run, my friends! Run far, far away into the abyss! Ack!!! No, Chaos I'm sorry!!! Please!! No more Barney!! NO!!!! (voice chops off suddenly)

Alia: Okay, point taken. Um… 

X: (waking up out of a fake deep sleep) oh no, Amidala! My mother is in danger! Screw your planet and we're heading off to Tatooine! 

Lifesaver: Okay, we've got the dream…

Signas: I know! (whispers to Zero)

Zero: Of course! Dyanmo must also be on Tatooine! 

(sudden change of scene into a sandpeople's house)

Iris: wow. So many people. This house is gonna break now, you know. Zero: Iris, we need a kissing scene- quick. 

Iris: okay. 

(Zero and Iris kiss) 

Alia: And The mom don't die…. 

Douglas: Yeah, it's difficult to deal with, being alive. Okay, everyone off to the odd planet with sand and Zero goes to Janga Fett's! 

Iris: I wanna go with Zero.

Douglas: Okay. Both of us should be dead now, anyway. 

(sand people lift up the tent and attack)

X: I'm not killing. Because then I'll go on a killing spree-

SFX: Zam! Wham! Kabam! (Sand people die. Zero puts saber away)

Zero: Okay. See you guys. 

(fade out)

(fade in)

(Zero walks into a building with Iris. The long, silvery white being (called Taun We) greets them. She leads them straight to Janga Fett's place).

Dynamo: Hello. 

Zero: Hi. 

Chibby-Dyanmo: Hi. 

Iris: hi. 

Dynamo: Bye. 

Chibby-Dynamo: Bye.

Iris: bye.

Zero: Buh-bye. (exits, then the two run from a ship.)

Dynamo's voice on com-link: Okay, you guys all ready?

Zero: I had better be!

(fade out)

Chaos: These scenes are short and to the point. Dang. 

Lucas: they all work together, I see. 

Chaos: Whatever. 

(fade in. Zero has been captured by Dooku (gasp!) and hangs in a happy electro-bubble.)

Sigma: Ah, Obi-won. What if I were to tell you the Republic-

Zero: I know. 

Sigma: and the Maverick hunters-

Zero: Fat chance. 

Sigma: (coughs) Yeah, right. Okay! So, what if Qui-Gon Gin where here, now? He would join me!

Douglas: Yeah right! I will take Zero and flee!

Sigma: (taps foot)

Douglas: (sighing) I will take "Obi-Won Kenobi" and "flee". (power systems suddenly fail. Everyone is transported to the middle of a clone battle).

Sigma: WTF?

Douglas: My feelings exactly. 

Chaos: Lucas!!!!

Radom Vendor: Buy some water! Buy some water! (clones all line up, leaving our heroes alone)

Cain: (hiccups)

Sigma: I'm supposed to fight him now, right? Or do I need to axe off X's arm?

X: (inaudible squeak)

Chaos: CUT!!!!

(everyone freezes)

Chaos: that's a wrap, people!

(Everyone stares)


End file.
